The First-Resort: An Organization for Independent Queer Youth

Our dreams have once again shape-shifted and evolved. I could say that I get tired of our plans that roll in and out like clouds, but I don't. I wont get tired until I stop dreaming, until I stop preparing for this better life. This is who I am, this is who we are. It's in my blood, it's all in my head, it's in the air that I breathe. I like who I am when I have these goals. Absolutely.

In October, we went to the National Equality March, and right there in front of the US Capital, amidst over two-hundred-thousand people, this image in my head that had been blurry for so so long, became clear. I finally got to pin-point what career I will seek for myself. That career that you fit into. The job that has nothing at all to do with the money it offers, or the ego that comes with the title. I just want to do this, to wake up and to belong in it, to say "this is who I am, this is what I've done" and never wonder what the hell happened to me and to my life. This will be my anchor to the west coast, my life's passion, the most beautiful thing that Ruth & I can create together.

Life is so amazing. I will update more information as things start to progress even more.

www.first-resort.org
<3

beating on the big people, in a big hard world

I get this feeling that I am depended on to be a fixture in someone's life. It makes me uneasy, because I haven't signed any contracts here, I'm only married to one person, which means, I've only made a promise to one single person.
I think what it is, is that for some reason, I don't feel appreciated. Maybe I'm more like Ruth than I thought, and we both just can't be actually close with anyone without feeling the pressure. I love my friendship with Stephanie, because I can get on the phone, or in a room and tell her anything, just everything, with no problem, no backlash. But, there are closer people in my life(as in distance) whom I keep a lot from, but I feel more responsibility toward.

The funny thing is this: I am not just the person we've all thought I was.. I am about to be born again, into the life I want. It's strange that when we left before, I felt a pull, a sad feeling of abandonment, giving-up, running away. Now, I feel one thing: relief.

Give me that relief, let me soak it up. All of the sudden, we have family, love and hope all over this country, we don't need to be here.
We need to be there, and in 3 weeks, we will be.

I'm really hoping that something that we have planned works, and will make it so we leave sooner than expected. Unfortunately we arent going to be getting a refund for our tickets, which is a bummer. But, we should have about $4,000 to put toward a subaru outback, which maybe we can get away with buying a nice one for a bit less than that, and we can buy some stuff with the rest. I'll know which way is up, tomorrow.

Our wedding isn't around the corner anymore. The date is staring us in the face. I'm getting married the day after tomorrow. Saturday. Ruth's best friend Dayna will be here tonight. She was supposed to be here at 3pm, but she got a late start, which will mean she wont be here until around 9pm. That's fine with me, it means that I'll have more time to clean and put stuff together. We have SO much to do tomorrow.
I can't believe that we have so many great friends who are doing these favors for us. Amy--my friend from high school, is a professional cake decorator. She's building us a $500 cake! Leighta--Ruth's co-worker who we've spent some time with, is doing photography. Aaron--Ruth's old co-worker, is playing acoustic guitar, and specifically learned "Stand by Me" and will be playing it during the ceremony. Steph & Dean-- my bestest friend and her boyfriend(that I introduced her to) are flying from Seattle!
We couldn't ask for better, really. I guess it's not quanitity, it's quality, and we certainly got that!

I'm so excited about everything, but I definitely feel ready for it to all be over, too! I'm nervous about Hawaii, like, really nervous. I'm not particularly nervous about getting married, because I know I want to be with Ruth forever. We will be together whether we have the paper, but we want the paper for safety. Someday, it's going to mean something to our kids, too. For their parents to be married. They'll want that stability. Plus, the party should be a lot of fun!

I stay up pretty late, lately. My eyes feel heavy, but I'm preoccupied.

It's weird when you're alone, but not. When everyone listens with one ear.
What do I expect, really? That question is not one where I already know the answer. It wasn't sarcasm. I really wonder, what do I expect?

my lovely Ruth has tomorrow off of work. We're going to sleep in late, and maybe I'll make pancakes for us when we do wake up. After Luke gets out of work, he's going to swing by and pick me up, then we're going to Roseland and we're going to bowl. After that, I'd like to buy a couple of 40's and drink my face off. It's just definitely been one of those weeks. Friends, family and planning have taken their toll on me, mentally and physically. I'd like to think things will start getting better, though. knock on wood.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a couple of girls in my bed who need some attention. (one of them is an 18 month old pug).

like a bird without a song

We've decided on the 18th of July for our wedding. It's pretty perfect as far as timing. Enough time to prepare, and a month from our move date. I didn't want to get rushed toward the end of our time here. We're gonna have so much to do anyway, that I just can't crowd all of that stuff into a couple of weeks. We're done with the Rosie stuff for now. Everything is checked off, which is awesome. Now it's just waiting time, and then about 6 weeks before we leave, we're going to send out Rosie's info to the Quarentine station, and get that show on the road. In the mean time, we have to get:
-2 hiking back packs
-2 crates (one hard, one soft sided)
-Durable clothing(jeans, shirts, socks, shoes, gloves)
-in shape
-Rosie prepared for the climate change
-Talking with the farmers. We want to have a place to stay lined up.
-some money.